Comments on: Dad vs. Career

By: kobi

kobi — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 17:02:43 +0000

most people realize it when it is too late..

By: dallas jobs

dallas jobs — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:09:41 +0000

I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my
Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the
future.

By: Noel - IT Jobs Ireland

Noel - IT Jobs Ireland — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 22:51:18 +0000

David, you are doing a wonderful job. Many people are not able to achieve even that – financial and other reasons. Keep up the good work. Someone dear to you appreciates it the most.

By: David Harwell

David Harwell — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 02:42:57 +0000

Dear All – Thanks for the comments, and you bring up several important points. Dad and I have gone through the process of updating his will and filling out Power of Attorney documents for financial as well as medical needs. Another important document is the living will which has been placed on file with the local hospitals. The decision to take Mom off of a respirator in her final moments was made much easier by her pre-directive. However, stress remains. I can’t help but wonder what if. Additionally, knowing that aging and tissue degeneration is a normal part of life does not make it any easier to watch. The logical course of actions does nothing to ease your fears that once vibrant love ones will someday fade away. What makes it work for me is Dad’s sense of humor. While I was home, we went to buy a new faucet for his bathroom sink. Standing in front of the display at Home Depot, I gathered the options available for his inspection. After reading the boxes, he chose the cheapest alternative. He said that it was the only one with a warranty that didn’t exceed his own.

By: John Lauterbach

John Lauterbach — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 01:37:33 +0000

Dave, I handled my Mom’s affairs in a long-distance (345 miles) fashion for the 18 months prior to her death at age 97 in October 2007. It appears you are missing some key players and legal documents if you are going to be successful. Critical documents are power-of-attorney (POA) and healthcare/HIPPA POA. Some financial institutions have their own POA rules. A good eldercare attorney will help you dad understand reason for these forms and get his signature gracefully. Said attorney will probably know a good financial advocate who can make sure local bills get paid and house is maintained. If you dad has an investment adviser, he can help, too, if you have the right POA. If your dad has problems handling things in the kitchen, get it rearranged so he can reach what he needs. Also, make sure you know who you are going to hire and how you are going to finance home health aides when they are needed.

By: Erby Gamboa

Erby Gamboa — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 02:04:24 +0000

I am so glad to hear that you are taking care of your father long distance. I feel it’s our turn to recriprocate the favor our parents did for us. I am from the same oil field community. Enjoyed reading your article.

By: Mani Upreti, Ph.D.

Mani Upreti, Ph.D. — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 14:35:43 +0000

Thanks for writing life’s reality for professionals like us so nicely. I have both parents living alone all the way in a city called Jaipur in north India while I work in Atlanta, USA. My father 72, has Parkinson and my mother 65 is his full time companion from taking care of his medication, nutrition and exercise. My father is quite independent around the house but is dependent on my mother for driving the car and taking him out for walk in the park, doctor’s visit etc. My mother still tries to get some time out to remain involved in the social work for women there. Although my mother manages well, she also has high bp and gets tired sometimes of managing everything herself. I am able to visit them only once a year and it gets hard when there are things that I need to take care of and I am not there physically. I hope things will be better once I move and be closer to them.

By: Ana Minatti, Ph.D.

Ana Minatti, Ph.D. — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:54:38 +0000

Thank you for writing this article. It is the first time that I read something about scientists like us, who have to take care of our parents or even more difficult widows or widowers. Your article mentions all the important things that we have to deal with: the duties and the remorses. My mother lives in Europe and I have a job in the US. I try to do my best!

By: Liz

Liz — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:52:33 +0000

Certainly understand the difficulty of caring for an aging parent long distance. My 82-year old mother lives 3 states away; and while she is in good health, still I’d like to be there to help her out with things and protect her from everyday chaos. There is definately an element of guilt there; but you’re right, you do have to find a balance. Best of luck.

By: Bill Suits

Bill Suits — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:47:03 +0000

My mother was 87 when my father died in Wisconsin. At first she was not interested in moving. Then she visited a couple friends living in a relatively new senior assisted living facility and fell in love with the place. Having meals prepared, getting drugs delivered at the right time, and friends to play cards with all appealed to her and were impossible on the lonely farm. After her friends raved about the services, she made the decision without us even bringing up the topic. Suddenly, it was her decision. After that, the transition was easy and she is still raving about how nice she has it around her new friends and a few old ones. There is always something to do and yet she has her privacy in her own apartment. She is now very forgetful and has fallen. Walking with a walker has become routine as it has for her many friends.